


Strings

by jollllly



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Excessive Drinking, Excessive Swearing, F/M, Infidelity, It's literally just all angst, Ted-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, every other word out of Ted's mouth is 'fuck', his last name is richards because i like it, it's all there, taking metaphors too far, tell me why i got emotional writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 00:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20985695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jollllly/pseuds/jollllly
Summary: Ted and Charlotte's little... arrangement is mutually beneficial with no strings attached. But Ted's destructive personality doesn't like to follow rules, so it's no wonder he starts getting emotionally involved.Takes place after Ted walks out on Charlotte, leaving her with infected!Sam





	Strings

**Author's Note:**

> tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism/excessive drinking, infidelity, lots of swearing (it's ted, i apologize)
> 
> i probably should have edited this some more, but i really wanted to post it, so here you go!

She was just a good fuck; no strings attached. They had made that perfectly clear since they started their little… arrangement. He was horny, and she was easy. Perfect.

It was cheaper than going to bars every other night and hitting on any woman he laid eyes on. It was more reliable than trying to pick up whatever lonely chick was also drunk enough to flirt back. It was better than getting plastered at home. Better than going to bed alone. Better than anything life had given him up to that point.

He had guarded himself by sleeping around, by flirting with anyone and everyone he made eye contact with. Easier, ya know? And then she came into the picture. Suddenly it was like taking candy from a baby.

—

Okay, yeah, maybe he was a little pissed at Charlotte. Maybe he was a little pissed that they had this thing going, and going well may he add, for a while now, only to find out that Charlotte was going to try to “make it work” with her asshole husband and try couple’s counseling.

Of course it wouldn’t last. Why would it? Of course she got tired of him. God, Ted, you knew going in that this wasn’t going anywhere. No strings attached. She was leaving him, just as everyone else had left him. What else was new?

But this time _he_ had the power. This time _he_ walked out. If Charlotte was so convinced that her douchebag husband was going to wake up and suddenly care about her again, there was no need for Ted to be in the picture. She could keep her delusions. Ted was going to save himself and get out of the way of that mess.

He would’ve just made it worse had he stayed. It had been rocky the last few months of their relationship. He had gotten involved. He got caught up in his feelings again. There was no way they could go back to normal.

But she was hard to resist. He was horny and had a soft spot for her. So he kept going back. He only had himself to blame. He was just hurting himself. That’s all he did anyways. Hurt people, push them away. Charlotte would’ve gotten tired of him soon enough. There’s only so much of Ted Richards someone could handle before exploding, so he was pretty much doing her a favor.

He walked out.

—

_Fuck her. Fuck this. Fuck everything. I need a drink._ Ted thought as he made his way through the fortress, the voices of the others leading him towards the bar. Thank Christ this guy stocked up, because Ted wasn’t afraid to drink him out of house and home.

Yeah, yeah, drinking isn’t a healthy way to deal with feelings, blah blah blah. He’d heard it all before. Not that it was gonna stop him from drowning his emotions. He’ll keep them repressed, thank you very much.

_Fuck_, he thought again. _God, Ted. No strings, remember? _His brain was battling his heart for control, but Ted just wanted both to shut up.

Of course his damn _feelings_ had to get in the way. God, you’d think that after so many years they’d just give up and stop ruining his life. He was there for a good fuck. The only purpose his _emotions_ served was as a sign he needed to get black-out drunk.

And that he did.

Ted grabbed a bottle of bourbon and sprawled out on the couch, looking forward to finishing the bottle or passing out, whatever came first.

His mind continued to race as Bill, Paul, and … whatever that barista’s name was entertained themselves. Fuck, why was he still so hung up on Charlotte? He did everything he could to keep their boundaries in place, but he was still so _fucking_ _attached_. Like a stupid puppet. Some perverted puppet lost without his damn puppeteer.

God, that was so sappy, what was wrong with him?

Ted drank.

He was a belligerent drunk. He knew that, anyone who had ever gone drinking with him knew that. It was no surprise that he snapped at one of Bill’s stupid complaints about fucking cocktails or some shit. It didn’t matter. His senses were being dulled, his thoughts about Charlotte were slipping away, that stupid fucking pain in his heart fading.

He must’ve pushed Bill too far, because Paul decided he had had enough, and ripped the bottle of bourbon from his hands, effectively ruining the rest of Ted’s plans for the night.

Whatever, the argument was stupid anyways. He sat back down and continued to stew, drink-less this time.

Fucking Paul. Fucking Bill and his stupid fucking sensitivity. Grow up. This is the real world. You’re an adult. Life sucks. Get over it. Nothing ever works out. And when you think it does, look again because it’s just gonna come right back and fuck you in the face. And it’s your own fucking fault. If you hadn’t gotten too carried away. If you had listened to your brain once in a while instead of your dick, maybe you wouldn’t be in this position.

Ted knew his thoughts were no longer applying to Bill, but he didn’t stop them from coming. The dam had broken, and the negativity was flooding in.

You can’t get attached. How many times did you tell yourself that? And what did you do? You fucking. Got. Attached. What are you, a fucking teenager? Can’t tell the difference between your dick and real-life emotions? God, what a useless moron. Why are you still so hung up on this rando coworker? Waiting by her heels until her fucking husband screws up again. How desperate are you? As if she cares. She’s off making deals with the devil trying to bring back her fucking jackass husband. She was with you and fucking decided she was done, decided you weren’t enough, decided to go back to fucking Sam. Or at least trying to. She went from screwing around with you one day to, instead, waiting for the _possibility_ her husband might want to fuck her again one day. Wow, that’s gotta be a record. Most pathetic downgrade by the saddest excuse for a man awarded to Ted Richards, the office asshole.

Yeah, he was aware of his reputation. A gross flirt looking to get with anyone and everyone. He had accepted it, nay, embraced it. He needed to get back on his horse. He’d fallen off around the time he fell for Charlotte. No need for hookups when you’ve got ol’ reliable….

But she’s done. He walked away; he’s not taking any more of it. He’s not gonna be strung along on her journey to fixing her doomed marriage. He should have done that long ago, when he realized his mistake, when he realized he was getting attached. He should have cut the strings and walked away, ending everything months earlier. He just needed someone else. He needed a distraction from her. He didn’t need her. _She_ needed _him_. She was the one who came crawling after him in the first place, when her marriage had first become so obviously unsatisfying. Ted had been doing just fine before that. He can go back to his life, the way it was before. No harm done.

Charlotte, on the other hand…. Sam’s as good as dead. Who else does she have now that Ted’s gone? Now that he refused to continue being used by her. She has no one. She’ll regret it, that’s for sure. But he won’t notice. He’ll be too busy moving on to care. She’ll come crawling back, once again. But he’ll be gone. He doesn’t have much, but he has enough self-respect and self-preservation to not sink back into her grasp. He’ll go off and find some other chick to fuck, an easy replacement. It won’t fill the hole, but it’ll make him feel better… for a bit. He just needs to get back to it: regular, temporary fixes. Charlotte will feel so stupid, ridiculous, that she thought he was just going to stick around and wait for Sam to fuck up. But Ted’s worth more than that. And he can’t wait to see her come back to him and beg. He can’t wait to say no.

Thunder clapped, and Ted’s ending began.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact!  
if you read this at a bit of a slower pace, the part beginning after the fight till the thunder fits almost exactly between those two moments in the video
> 
> there's a possibility of a continuation with charlotte's shooting and ted's rant at the end of act 1, lmk if you would be interested!
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr and yell with me about ted! (@ billtedrights)


End file.
